


Disillusion

by EmmalinaInvendere



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Growing Up, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-06-20 18:28:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15540342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmmalinaInvendere/pseuds/EmmalinaInvendere
Summary: There is a saying: You should never meet you heroes. Tsuna was of the opinion that it should go more along the lines of: You should never look at your parents parenting to deeply, because some hurts you never knew you had will refuse to ever truly heal.





	Disillusion

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**When you are young, your parents are your heroes.**

They can't do wrong.

They can't be wrong.

They won't wrong you.

And then you start your journey into adulthood.

When you are grown up, you recognize reality for what it is.

The end of childhood's comforting illusions.

 

**He thought his parents were perfect.**

Unusual, maybe, in their approach to marriage and parenthood, but they couldn't do anything wrong. When something bad happened, he went to them. When he did badly, he was always torn between confessing to follow their admonishment of honesty or keeping silence out of shame for disappointing them. When he needed help, he knew who to turn to.

At least, that was how he liked to remember his childhood. How he liked to answer when asked.

In truth?

The older he got, the clearer he saw. And the picture clarity painted?

It was sobering.

 

_' Tou-chan was a busy man. He needed to work a lot to let Kaa-chan and Tsu-chan live in comfort and to make sure that they were well cared for. If that meant that he was rarely home, then they needed to cherish the moments they shared and help support Tou-chan in his hard work.'_

_**' Tou-san was never there. His visits became sparser the older Tsuna got. He was a lazy lay-about, drinking himself stupid in his boxer shorts while snoring away his stupor in the living room and letting Tsu-chan's mother fawn and awe over him, serving him like a fool. He only cared to talk to Tsuna as long as the boy proved interesting. Which wasn't often at all.'** _

 

**Gratefulness was, indeed, necessary.**

Tsuna was damn well grateful that he didn't have more contact with his father than he had been forced to suffer. Especially at a young and impressionable age.

That would have been … disastrous.

Really, gratefulness was too small a word to describe his feelings.

 

_' Kaa-chan was a very peaceful and tolerant woman. She accepted Tsuna's social quirks and numerous intellectual failings and moved passed them with grace, continuing her supporting role as the model housewife and mother. Her neighbours complimented her often on her patience with such a difficult child as Tsuna had proved to be and her diligence in keeping her home up to a standard few could meet.'_

_**' Kaa-san was an airhead. She lived in her own little world with a perfect husband, perfect son and perfect home. Her perfect little life, the dream she had married and the one she kept alive in her mind. She went through life ignoring Tsuna cries for help with his studies, with the bullies, with his loneliness and his desire for a paternal role model. She didn't want to see the way she not only allowed her son to fail, but failed him herself, because that would shatter her perfect little world. For all and sunder, she lived the life other women dreamed of, and Tsuna learned early on that the only thing he could depend on was home-cooked meals, clean clothes and his mother’s callous obliviousness. Dressing the wounds his bullies left behind became second nature. Not that Kaa-san ever noticed them to begin with, besides a chiding 'My useless Tsu-chan is so clumsy!'.'** _

 

**Obliviousness was, thankfully, not necessarily an inherited trait.**

Tsuna thanked Kami-sama every day that, while he was not the most intelligent or dutiful of students, he was at least aware enough of himself to not fall into the same trap as his mother.

That, he wouldn't have been able to bear.

 

_' Tou-chan send a home tutor that knew how to handle a boy like Tsuna, and to keep the lazy boy not only in line but to help him meet the standards and achieve the skills necessary for a well-off position in the enterprise Tou-chan worked for which he had managed to attained for his ambitionless son, the very image of a dutiful and attentive father looking out for his only child.'_

_**' Tou-san became Iemitsu the day Tsuna learned that his own father had nominated him callously for a life of pain, blood and crime, a life that had already claimed three more than capable men, men who were born and raised in that shady world, a life which was sure to take him to a young grave. Oh, Reborn trained him, alright, he even managed to instil a worthwhile work ethic into Tsuna, born from fear of pain, and to help him gather friends. And that was the only redeemable fact that made Tsuna not hate Reborn – it was a breathless feeling, not being alone. But being grateful and forgiving Reborn for the torture he endured didn't make him forgive his father, who had not even cared enough to talk to Tsuna himself. Instead, it shattered the last strands of inborn trust into his father that the pre-teen had painstakingly maintained.'** _

 

**Ambition was a characteristic that was good to have, while skills were traits necessary to implement it.**

Tsuna worked. He learned. He fought and he bled. He essentially died. And none of that he did for his father. He did it for the friends that had turned into his family. He did it for the home tutor who turned out to be more of a father-figure for him than his own ever tried to be. And he regretted nothing.

Regretting his experiences would cheapen every sacrifice made along the way.

 

_' Kaa-chan was so very glad when Tsuna's home tutor Reborn arrived, and Tsuna started to improve his grades and have actual real friends. Finally, her son seemed to straighten out, and the young mother didn't need to worry as much about her son as before. Instead, a mother with every fibre of her being, she devoted herself to the little children that her son had brought home.'_

_**' Kaa-san was proud that Tsuna had turned over a new leaf with Reborn's help – well, privately her son gave her the two-fingered salute. She could keep her maternal pride where the sun didn't shine. Because despite her maybe good intentions, she never did help him, no matter how much he begged. And it was really damn difficult to get up the will to make better of yourself, to get up and going, when the only person who should always support you, your own Kaa-san, had deemed you useless and hopeless a long time ago. So, yeah, she could keep her pride to herself, he would make due, as he always had. And if she wanted to play foster-mom to little Lambo-chan and I-Pin-chan, than please, let her, as long as she actually raised and supported the little ones, she was free to do as she liked. But the moment she disparaged them? The moment Tsuna saw history repeat itself? Hell's gates would open. Nana may be his mother but Lambo-chan and I-Pin-chan were his baby siblings, and he would rain the fury of an enraged sky, and more importantly overprotective big brother, on any who dared to hurt them. Even his own mother.'** _

 

**Protectiveness was good as long as it was aimed at the right target.**

Tsuna would never get how his mother could be so damn protective of her reputation as a home-maker while utterly failing at considering the emotional variable of it. Thankfully that wasn't his problem any longer, he was a grown man, and he had learned well from the mistakes of his parents.

But should they ever again make it his problem? He would answer them. They just wouldn't like his kind of answer.

 

_' Tou-chan was so proud when his little Tsuna, now a teenager, started to act like he should – as a well-behaved, well-adjusted young man that accepted and approached his duty with responsibility. Truly, he was deeply grateful to Timoteo di Vongola for taking Tsuna under his wing and helping him come into his own. What greater reward was there for a father than to see his child grow up right?'_

_**' Tou-san never looked beyond his own ideas, ideals and intentions. He never cared deeply enough to look, truly look, at the young man his son had become. Had he done so, he would have seen how deeply different they were from each other – fundamentally different. But he never did, content in the rose-coloured bubble world he had created around himself. Everyone else saw, and they regretted what had to be done, but they did it. At least they saw their wrongs. That, Tsuna could understand, even if his respect for people like Timoteo-san dimmed. The Mafia was a bloody world, and it was either sink or swim. Tsuna swam, he did so admirably if reluctantly. And he had only one person to thank for the fact that he didn't drown instantly: Reborn.'** _

 

**Adaptability equalled survival, especially in the darker shades of the world.**

Tsuna was nothing if not adaptable. His greatest trait was his ability to change and grow, to reach for his potential and shatter the limitations years of fear, hurt and loneliness had wrought upon his mind and hope. He grew, he changed, and he survived.

For a child that had given up, showing everyone who called him useless just how wrong they turned out to be, was cathartic.

 

_' Kaa-chan was sad to see Tsuna leaving, but her little boy had grown into a fine young man, and he would still return home to her, he was a good boy. A good man. He would not forget his mother. He was hers. Her little boy knew better. Besides she had new little ones to dote on.'_

_**' Kaa-san saw the world as she wanted. She was happy and content in that reality of hers, and Tsuna … Tsuna knew she would survive on her own, as long as she could keep that illusion up. The little boy who had clung to his mother’s skirts was gone, he had grown into a man who now looked back upon his callous childhood with hurt in his burning eyes, but also with maturity. He knew he couldn't change anything, and no parent was perfect, so he left her to her whims, harmless as they still were. As long as she truly cared for Lambo-chan and I-Pin-chan he would let her do as she liked while keeping an eye on things. What would bringing up old hurts do? She was still his mom, and despite the pain, he would always love her.'** _

 

**Humans live, and while they do so, they harm and heal each other continuously.**

Tsuna learned early on that grudges only breed more hate and harm. They brought nothing and took everything. It was as simple as that.

There was enough hate in the world. He wouldn't contribute anymore to it.

 

_' Tou-chan was terribly proud of how well integrated his son was, how wonderfully he acted. Truly, he had raised his son well.'_

_**' Tou-san was Tou-san. Tsuna had long learned that when Iemitsu wanted to believe something, he would do so. And after all this time, after he had finally, no matter how grudgingly, accepted his lot in life and done the best with it, he would not return to trying useless ventures. Sometime, bygones should stay bygones. And as much as he should love his father, the man was more of a stranger than a parent to him, so in the end … it didn't hurt as much as it could. Wasn't that strange?'** _

 

**Those we love the most also hurt us the most, because they count in ways others can't compare to.**

It was in this vein that Tsuna was thankful for never properly forging a bond with his father. This way, the idiocy and callousness of the man was annoying, horrifying and made his stomach turn with shame and despair for sharing DNA, but he didn't truly feel responsible for the other.

The nights when he regretted the missed opportunities they could have had diminished gradually with time.

 

**A child looks at their parents and sees heroes who can do no wrong.**

They always reach up.

And when the child grows, it looks back and sees the human in that parent. It always is sobering, it often brings pride, mostly it brings understanding, and sometimes it brings pain, shame and regret.

But in the end, all parents are fallible.

And when the day dies and the sun sets, when the small child is grown up and they hold their own children in their arms, they look back upon their life and learn from the good and the bad.

… kinda like rise, rinse, repeat.

 

**Tsuna smiled.**

Tsuna nodded.

Tsuna accepted.

And he kept his silence.

What good would it do to wake sleeping ghosts?

As an adult, he could see all the ways his parents had failed him. Ways no parent should have allowed their child to be failed, least of all by themselves, but then again, for so long he had merely seen his parents’ marriage and parenting as unusual, not as the inherently incompetent uselessness they actually portrayed, and honestly, as much as they treatment of him over the years hurt in retrospect, he …

Tsuna just couldn't give enough fucks to confront them.

They had been deluding themselves for so long, nothing he could say would penetrate that deep fog of righteousness. Why bother? In the end it wouldn't achieve anything, and he would only open himself up to more hurt.

No, Tsuna had always tried to rely upon himself after all his pleas had fallen on deaf ears. He hadn't been too good at it as a child, not even as a pre-teen, but nowadays, he was good at taking care of himself and keeping a healthy distance to those elements in his life that turned out to be poisonous. He had his friends, acquaintances, and even people he considered family around, he was assured of their regard, care and love, and it was them that kept him afloat when insecurities ragged him raw. He would never declare himself free of hypocrisy or self-deluding, no matter how small an instance, for he was human, too, but one thing his own childhood had taught him was too meet his inadequacies head on.

He would not make his own children suffer what he had endured.

He would try, for their sake.

And, as he looked down at Ie-chan, his sweet darling little Ie-chan, he made a vow – not necessarily to be better or perfect, but simply …

He vowed to listen and see.

To understand.

To be there.

To be reliable.

To protect.

To cherish.

To care.

To comfort.

To help.

To support.

To hold.

To love.

He vowed, first and foremost, to always and unconditionally love his little boy.

He vowed to put his child first.

 

**And when his son would be old enough, he too would see his father as more than the hero of his childhood.** He would see a man. A human. A fallible being.

And Tsuna would hopefully be able to meet his son's disillusioned gaze and still keep his little boys love for him alive.

He wouldn't simply hope or try for the best, though.

He would do all he could to make that ambition into reality.

There was nothing else to it.

 

_~ The End. ~_

 

 

 

 

 


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